The waiting, the uncertainty, the failures, the stress. The emotional roller coaster ride. When we talk about medically assisted reproduction (MAP), these terms come up. For couples who turn to these techniques, it is often the beginning of an obstacle course. So how to prepare? Is it psychologically predictable? How can you welcome and manage your emotions? Alix Franceschi-Léger is a clinical psychologist. She worked at the fertility center of the Diaconesses-Croix-Saint-Simon hospital group in Paris and now works in an office. It welcomes infertile women and couples undergoing assisted reproduction procedures. She answered questions from World as part of from the podcast “(Un)fertile”in an episode dedicated to heterosexual couples in PMA. Another interview with psychologist Rachel Trevesis dedicated to single women and couples.
Listen too How to psychologically survive a PMA trip?
How do heterosexual couples feel when they have to undergo PMA?
When you want a baby, you don’t think that it might not happen. We are in innocence, in dreams, in fantasy. If it doesn’t work, things go downhill. When couples begin PMA, they usually don’t really know what they’re getting into. On the other hand, they know that this is not at all what they dreamed of. They had probably secretly imagined having a baby and dreamed of the young woman announcing it to her partner herself as a surprise. Except that exactly the opposite will happen here.
How can these couples’ desire to have children be qualified?
It is a desire that has been abused and tested. This situation ultimately affects self-esteem and morale. I hear a lot of women say to me, “I’m not even capable of doing what happens to people without them thinking about it.” I’ve learned a lot and I’m not even capable of having a child. » This is deeply moving for these patients and very moving for me to hear this. I want to tell them, “It’s not you, it’s your body.” Of course you are your body, but it’s an area you don’t control. »
In 15% of cases there is no explanation for infertility. How do couples experience this?
It’s one of the rare areas of medicine where patients want something discovered so they know what’s wrong. Psychologically it’s easier when there’s a reason. How do you deal with this uncertainty? At first we falter. It causes a kind of identity crisis. Young women tell me that they don’t recognize themselves. They were full of enthusiasm, had confidence and everything fell apart. Then I try to help them let go of control of the situation.
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