A chubby baby, wrapped up in the first shifts of autumn, suckles at the breast of Léa (all first names have been changed at the request of witnesses), an employee of a small company in the cultural sector. The noise of the coffee machine raising the voices of customers in this 18th century cafee Paris district seems to be cradling the child. She is 2 months old and will soon adjust to daycare so her mother can go back to work. In these last difficult moments, Léa thinks about her future return to school, a slight worry in her stomach.
She remembers the first time she experienced this for her eldest daughter Nora. Back then, she came back from maternity leave in the cocoon of an apartment with light blue walls through which the sun shines every afternoon. The return promises to go smoothly: from the announcement of her pregnancy to her departure, including the months-long absence from the office, everything went very well with her employer. Her management had asked her if she would like to be informed about developments in the sales department while she was away, and she had said yes without being obliged to do so. “I really appreciated being offered this and feeling like I was a central figure in this small company. »
A few weeks before her scheduled return to work, she was asked to attend a meeting where she was offered a promotion: the position of sales manager was for her if she wanted it. She accepted the offer and was grateful that motherhood was not an obstacle to her professional life. “I was lucky that people trusted me, that no one thought I would be less capable because I became a mother.”emphasizes Léa.
For them, the rest is in the same tone. The company is caring in every way. But when Léa talks about her recovery day, she still remembers a difficult moment. It’s a Monday in November when the second lockdown has just begun. She’s home alone, in the same environment where she rocked her newborn for two months, sitting at the dining room table with a computer under her eyes and a breast pump suctioned to her breast. “But what am I doing here? », She repeats herself over and over again, her eyes clouded with tears, that she can’t stay on the unread emails tab.
“I felt transparent”
Even in the best-case scenario, returning to work is marked by this intimate upheaval: you spend most of your day oblivious to the fact that you haven’t been away for more than a few hours since you were born. Cut the cord a second time, making the impression of “Betray this little baby, still a defenseless animal”, Léa illustrates. A guilt that is also expressed in the words of Elsa, 38 years old, an employee and mother of two small children. “When you leave your baby, you are making a first symbolic move of separation: you are passing the baton.”she says wistfully on the phone.
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