On this Monday in December, around twenty people – exclusively women on this day – sit in a circle in a rented room in a 17th century church.^e district of Paris. They are mothers, wives and daughters of people with an alcohol use disorder and meet every week for this meeting. the Al-Anon Associationwhich lasts about two hours.

These groups were founded in the United States in 1951 at the initiative of the wives of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Founded in France in 1962, Al-Anon currently has 135 groups in France. One goal: to help the families of alcoholics. There are also groups for young people, Alateen. A campaign called “A Bottle in the Sea” has just begun to raise awareness about these support groups “The collateral damage of alcohol to the people around alcoholic patients is rarely discussed.”.

“We believe that alcoholism is a family disease – an alcoholic causes suffering to an average of five people around them – and that changing the attitudes of caregivers can contribute to recovery.”, this is how the meeting begins, which was opened this week by Jeanne (first names have been changed). Anonymity is the rule. At the first round of the table there is often a fear that the end of the year celebrations will take place, where there will be many opportunities to drink. This Monday’s theme, “One Day at a Time,” is one of Al-Anon’s tools. This twelve-step method is based on the AA method, a kind of guide to recovery.

Remember that alcohol, which is directly or indirectly responsible for more than 200 diseases, kills about 41,000 people every year in France. It is the main risk factor for premature mortality and disability in 15 to 49 year olds.

The wife of an alcoholic man who became sober a long time ago, Sandra, who has been part of the group for around twenty years, describes her state of astonishment at the situation “Tsunami” caused by her son’s mental illness and his increasing alcohol consumption. All women in this group have arrived “desperate”says one “I don’t know who to turn to anymore”another one “think that [sa] life was over”a third talk about it“A monster nebula, a black hole”.

Free yourself from feelings of guilt

So from Lucie, in the group since June 2020: “I was at the end of my strength, in survival mode. My son’s drinking problem was my obsession. » His son, who suffered from school phobia, saw alcohol as a solution to his anxiety disorders; from the age of 16 it became a crutch for him. “He put himself in danger on several occasions, with violent outbursts and numerous hospital stays. It is unbearable to watch your child drinking and destroying themselves in front of you.”She says. “When I joined the group, for the first time I had a spark of hope and comfort because I was able to express myself with people who knew this problem and we are experiencing such extreme things…” She was also able to free herself from the guilt of being a bad mother, tell herself that she wasn’t okay, and try to change things. “I have never found this support anywhere else, neither from psychiatrists nor from doctors. I try to live as well as possible and indirectly be a support. »

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